Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
