He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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