Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
