I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its not stalking. its research.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
