OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
