It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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