I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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