I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
