Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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