I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
