Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We left the knife in your bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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