i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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