my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
