i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
