Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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