If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
