dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
