I cockslap morals
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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