I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
