You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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