oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We need to get me chipped asap
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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