his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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