It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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