Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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