I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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