We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
