the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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