we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
