I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
