There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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