I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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