I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize