drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
