I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
