The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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