i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
50% drunk capacity currently
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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