Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
