we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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