my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
