Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
