I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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