just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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