Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
