it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
