Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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