So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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