and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
