The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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