So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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