I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
