does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
