I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize