I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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