Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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