So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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