No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
