Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
