so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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