It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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